Do Not
by roo17
Summary: Simple One-Shots about Luffy and the trouble he drags his brother and friends into.
1. Chapter 1: Do Not Lean On

Do Not…  
Chapter One: Do Not Lean On

_**Summary: Simple One-Shots about Luffy and the trouble he drags his brother and friends into.  
**__**Pairings: None.  
**__**Warning: ooc, AU, swearing.  
**__**Scene: I imagine this takes place in a small cafe/diner located in a desert.**_

* * *

Luffy suddenly rushed into the diner and slid into the booth next to Ace. The freckled male cut off his conversation with Marco and looked to his brother who seemed to shrink in hopes of disappearing. Marco looked from Ace to Luffy to the window and suddenly saw why the teen was trying to hide. Ace gave a thick sigh. "Luffy, what did you do?" The teen avoided eye contact with his brother as he continued to scan the diner for any signs of trouble.

"I may or may not have accidentally knocked over a line of biker motorcycles…"

Ace jumped out of that booth with his brother like their lives depended on it.

Actually, their lives _did_ depend on it. Because not a second later, a gang of wild, angry bikers were suddenly hot on their trail; shouting out rude and harmful threats that would no doubt become reality if they got their hands on the two males. They ran out of the diner and down the desert road.

"Dammit Luffy! What did I tell you about staying out of trouble?" Luffy huffed, trying to catch his breath as they continued to run from the angry horde.

"Well it's not my fault! There wasn't a sign that said 'Do Not Lean On'!"

"It should be common sense not to lean on a line of motorcycles!" A knife flew by Ace's head, followed by another and another and what seemed like a fork-like mechanism nearly hit Luffy in the ear. Ace gave a growl. "Why can't I bring you anywhere without you causing so much trouble?"

"It's not like I do it on purpose!"

"Really? Because it seems like you do!" A car pulled up beside them and the passenger door opened. It was Marco.

"Get in!" Ace reached over and literally threw Luffy into the car before diving in himself, leaving the bikers behind still shouting their death threats and throwing their knives. Ace caught his breath and patted Marco on the shoulder.

"How would I live without you?" The blond simply grinned.

"You couldn't live without me."

"Ace~"

"Luffy, I swear to the gods above, if you say _one_ stupid thing or mention _anything_ about being hungry, I will disembowel you and leave your carcass out in the desert for the vultures to pick at."

Luffy quickly glued his lips shut and gave a quiet pout.

Ace was never any fun.

**XxXxX  
****Luffy, I don't think **_**anyone**_** would have called running for their lives from a group of bikers **_**fun.  
**_**Okay, so I got **_**triple**_** dog dared to write this. So I did. There will be other chapters, of course, like **_**Do Not Push the Big Red Button,**_** or **_**Do Not Run When Your Legs Are Numb,**_** and so on. If you want your **_**Do Not… **_**idea published****in an upcoming chapter, leave it in a review! :D**

**Anyway, hope it was okay? If not, criticism is always welcome.**

**Yes, I just said that.**

_The darkness I liveth, the cold ice I love  
__~roo the ice elemental_

**Now hit the button below this text, please, and leave a review please. :D**


	2. Chapter 2: Do Not Push The Red Button

Do Not…  
Chapter Two: Do Not Push The Red Button

_**Pairings: None  
**__**Waring: ooc, AU, swearing  
**__**Scene: Takes place in a normal looking grocery store.**_

_"Hey Marco, could you watch Luffy while I go do some errands. I don't trust him alone and all his friends are busy for the day. If you do decide to watch him, I have two rules. One: Do not, I repeat, do NOT let him out of your sight for even a SECOND. Fucker's like Waldo: Here one second and BAM! You can't find him until he causes a shit-load of trouble. Rule two: Do not let him get into ANY trouble. You'll only have to watch him for three hours, tops."_

_"Sure, I'll keep an eye on him."_

Marco never thought one teen could be so fucking hard to watch. He had turned away from Luffy for ten seconds at the most and the teen had already ran down several isles, leaving Marco to give a curse of frustration. Marco, Whitebeard's best and most responsible and laid back worker, was having the most difficult time babysitting a seventeen year old.

He thanked the gods above Thatch wasn't there to tease the shit out of him every second that passed.

Marco turned around again and found Luffy was missing and found him across the isle looking at candy. "Luffy, come here." Luffy happily obeyed, giving that damn goofy grin that made it so hard for Marco to be mad at him. "Please, try to stay by the cart." The teen simply laughed.

"Alright, fine, I will." Marco was tempted to use one of those child leash backpacks on the teen for a second, but decided against it. He'd get so many weird looks from passerby's. With one last thing on his list, he turned away from Luffy for a _second._ One. Fucking. _Second_.

And in that one fucking second, the teen disappeared _completely._ He wasn't down one of the isles, he wasn't climbing up an employee's work ladder, he wasn't drooling at any food. He was completely and utterly _gone._

To say Marco was panicking to find the teen would have been a very big understatement. Ace had made it _extremely_ clear that he didn't want Luffy to get into _any_ trouble. And Marco, being the responsible adult that he was, _promised_ Ace he wouldn't let that happen. Because Marco _never_ broke his promises. _Ever_. He ran around the store twice already and ran his hand through his blind hair. "Fuck," he swore under his breathe. He looked to the side and suddenly noticed a door that read DO NOT ENTER: EMPLOYEES ONLY slightly ajar. He paled.

No.

No, no, no, no, _no_!

Dashing for the door, he yelled, "Luffy! Don't touch a single thi–" Several alarms rang through out the store, turning the sprinklers on. All the doors and windows locked and the normal lights turned into red flashing ones as the security members surround Marco with their guns and tasers out. Luffy exited the room not a second later and he too was surround by security officers.

"Put your hands up in the air and lie on the ground!"

Well, this sucked.

Marco gave a deep sigh.

_'I knew I should have used a backpack leash...'_

Down at the jail, Marco and Luffy sat behind bars as they waited for Ace to come pick them up. Marco couldn't believe one teen could cause _so much trouble!_ Finally, Ace appeared to talk to the guard. "Sorry about that," he spoke as he signed a paper the guard handed him. "My little brother's kind of retorted–"

"Oi! I am _not_ retarded, jerkass!"

"–and is in a state of denial, as you just witnessed. He has this thing where if he sees something that says 'Do Not Push The Red Button', he will go and _push_ the red button."

In the background, Thatch was staring at Marco through the bars, a rather smug look on his face. "What's this? Marco, our first commander who _never_ screws up, is behind bars? Le gasp! This cannot be! Oh, what have you done, you poor, poor soul–"

"Thatch, if you value any part of your life or manhood, I would _shut the_ _fuck up_. _Now._" Thatch made a zipper-like motion across his grin. Oh, he was never gonna let Marco live this down.

Ace finished signing the release forms and the officer gave him one last paper to sign, looking back at the arrested teen. "It must be hard raising a teen like that." Ace gave a tight smile and replied in a strained voice as he gripped the pen tightly, nearly breaking it as he finished signing his signature.

"You have no idea, sir."

Luffy gulped in the background.

This was going to be a very pain filled week.

And it was all thanks to the Big Red Button.

**XxXxX  
****Because lets face it, those backpack leashes **_**do**_** come in handy sometimes.**

**I actually wanted a chinese man to come out of nowhere and beat up Luffy like in Family Guy, but decided to go with this. Ah, it's so fun to torture Marco! XD**

**Anyway, next chapter will be:  
****Do Not Go To A Rival's Convention.  
****Quick Sum: Luffy accidentally walks into a Naruto conventions. Bad move, Lu!**

**Stay tuned~**


	3. Chapter 3: Do Not To A Rival's Con

Do Not…  
Chapter Three: Do Not Go To A Rival's Convention

_**Pairings: None  
**__**Warning: ooc, AU,  
**__**Scene: Takes place at an anime convention.  
**__**Suggestion from: SniperKingSogeking0341**_

Luffy woke up with moan, sitting up slowly as he grabbed his aching head. Looking around, he found himself in an unfamiliar place. Surrounded by odd looking people in a weird building, he stood up and thought hard to remember how he got there. "Let's see, I was on that weird, green island… I was fighting that carrot-looking guy… I beat him and got to the Sunny…" He furrowed his brows in confusion. "How did I get here? I was just on the Sunny a moment ago. Huh, must be a mystery~!" Shrugging this off, he decided to adventure around and try to see where he was. Spotting two males chitchatting by a wall, he calmly walked up to them. "Excuse me, where am I?"

"You're at the anime convention, baka," one replied, irritated with the fact he was just rudely interrupted from his conversation. Luffy tilted his head slightly and crossed his arms.

"Huh? What's anime? Is that a food?" The other guy chuckled.

"No, it's another word for Japanese cartoons."

"Oh, I see! So how do I get out of here?" The irritated man turned his scowl into a grin, pointing to the left.

"You go that way through those doors." Luffy grinned back.

"Thanks," he gave a slightly bow before running off, leaving the man chuckling evilly to himself. As Luffy ran through the doors, he did not find the exit. Instead, he ran right into another convention.

"Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna become the Hokage someday! Dattebayo!" Luffy stopped in his tracks, blinking.

"Hokage?" His eyes glittered lightly. "A sandwich! Food!" His yelling caught the attention of all the people in the room and Luffy quickly noticed that most of the people there were dressed as either a blond-haired boy in an orange jumpsuit, a black-haired boy wearing something that had to do with a paddle-like design, or a pink-haired girl wearing a red-dress… thingy. Most of them stared with hating eyes at him and he wondered why, seeing as he only just met them. Finally, he broke the silence. "I want a sandwich."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" A dark-haired teen asked. Luffy simply pointed at the blond on the stage.

"He said 'Hokage'. That's a sandwich. I want it."

"Idiot, Hokage isn't a sandwich! It's the leader of Konohagakure!"

"No, I'm pretty sure a Hokage is a sandwich." The people in the room only grew more angry.

"Why are you even here? This is a Naruto convention! The One Piece of Shit convention is in the other room!"

"What? What about One Piece? You know where it is? Is this Raftel?" Luffy grew excited quickly. If this was Raftel, this is where One Piece was!

"Wait, just who the hell are you?"

"I'm Luffy," said the teen. "I'm from Foosha village." One blond looked to another and whispered something in his ear.

"Hey, if this guy's for real, then he's _really_ from One Piece. Which means, if we kill him, they show will have to end and Naruto will remain the top manga!" And suddenly, the entire room seemed to grin evilly, taking slow steps towards the outcast. Luffy held up his hands.

"Alright, let's all stop for a second. All I want is the sandwich, and I'll leave. Okay? Sandwich, and I leave. Sandwich… and I leave."

XxXxX

Luffy ran for his life as a group of blonds, brunettes, and pinkettes chased him down the hall with shurikens, kunais, and swords in their hands. The strawhat captain only became more confused by this. "Sheesh, what's their problem? I only wanted one sandwich…" Take a sudden right, he burst through another pair of doors and suddenly stopped in his tracks when he stopped a familiar orange-haired female. "Nami! Oi, Nami!" But as he approached her, he noticed she was standing with five others that looked almost exactly like her. "Huh? Why are there so many of you? Is this that mirage move of yours?" But before either of them could answer, he spotted a head of green to the side. "Oh, Zoro! Where… Eh?" Now there were three Zoro's. "What the hell is going on?"

He continued through the room, spotting people he met in groups. He saw Marco, he saw Mihawk, he saw Boa and Law and Nojiko. He spotted Shuraiya, Saga, Tashigi, and even Kaya and Makino. But then he spotted the head of red hair. "Eh?_ Shanks_? Shanks!" He glommed the man, clutching him tightly as he laughed. But when he looked at the man to say something, he realized it wasn't Shanks. "Huh? You're not Shanks… Who are you? And you!" He pointed to another Shanks that was passing by. "Who are you? None of you are the real Shanks! And…" He spotted a familiar face across the room who was chatting with a Robin lookalike. The sight made Luffy's heart skip and his throat constricted. "A-Ace…?" Tears pricked at his eyes as he tackled the male to the ground in the tightest hug ever. "Ace! Ace, Ace, Ace! I thought you died, I was so–" He looked down at the male's face and saw it wasn't Ace.

It was just another lookalike.

"You're not Ace…"

"Yeah, I am…"

"No, you're not. I know who Ace is, I grew up with him. Where's Ace? Where! And where's Shanks! And my _real_ crew members! And- Wha? Me? Why are you all dressed up as _me_?" He came face to face with a large group of people dressed just like him. Luffy stood up, now feeling very panicked. "Where am I? Where the hell am I!"

-_In the New World-_

The crew stood around their bandaged, dreaming, twitching captain, all with soft smiles on their faces. He threw sofa, slow punches in the air and kept mumbling incoherently. They all looked at each other. "Should we wake him up?" Nami shook her head.

"No, let him sleep. He had a long and exhausting fight. Plus, he's probably dreaming about another adventure at the moment." The crew all nodded in agreement and looked back to their dear captain.

_Luffy huffed as he continued to run through the never-ending building, a giant group of Naruto, One Piece, Bleach, and Fairy Tail fans all running after him; some yelling death threats, while others yelled comments of envy and infatuation at the teen. He continued to run, nearing the end of his stamina quickly. He looked back at the mass group of people and almost gave a sob. "HELP MEEEEEE!"_

**XxXxX  
****Alrighty, I hope it was okay? Probably not all that funny. Sorry! But thank you for all the kind reviews! *wipes away tear of happiness* Anyway, if you have anymore suggestions, drop them by~!**

**Next chapter: Do Not Touch**

**Stay tuned~**


	4. Chapter 4: Do Not Touch

Do Not…  
Chapter Four: Do Not Touch

_**Pairings: None  
**__**Warning: ooc, AU  
**__**Scene: Takes place in a dojo.**_

Luffy. Was. Bored. Seriously bored. He rolled over on the couch hugging a pillow with a pout, glancing at the clock that read 1:38. He gave a sigh and flipped open his phone. No messages. Great. And his friends wouldn't get off for another half hour. "Screw this," he said to himself as he left the house. "I wonder how Zoro's doing at work." Jumping into his car, he pulled out of the driveway and turned up the radio. "Lets see… Maybe I'll grab a snack on the way there." He thought for a second. "Nah, I'll wait till after. Zoro'll probably be hungry anyway. Maybe he can even buy me lunch! Yosh!" Pulling into the dojo, he happily bounced over to the door where he met an older male with golden hawk-like eyes. He recognized him as Zoro's new sensei Dracule Mihawk. The man was usually quiet and spoke only when it was necessary. Giving a big grin, Luffy waved.

"Hey, can I come in?"

"You're a friend of Zoro's?" Luffy gave a nod and Mihawk silently wondered which of his student's friends this teen was. The man moved to the side and let the teen in. "He's in the back mopping."

"Thanks!" Grabbing his strawhat, Luffy took off for the back of the dojo. Halfway to his destination, he passed a room with several old samurai swords in cases and stands, along with plaques, armors, trophies, and a few other knacks. Being as curious as a cat, Luffy couldn't help but enter the room as he inspected the shiny but delicate items in absolute wonder.

* * *

Zoro wiped the light sweat from his brow as he gave a sigh, placing the mop against the wall. He hated how humid the dojo got sometimes, the temperature occasionally reaching a high of 98°. Heading towards the front of the dojo, he passed by his sensei. "I'm finished for the day. I'll be heading home now." The older man looked down the hall as if he was expecting someone else to follow. The young swordsman raised an eyebrow at this. "You waiting for a ghost to follow me home?"

"I let one of your friends in a few minutes ago. I thought he would have found you by now." Zoro rolled his eyes. It was probably Sanji who was still mad about yesterdays event when Zoro had the _nerve_ to embarrass the blond in front of a group of beautiful women by accidentally tripping him face-first into a puddle of oily mud. "I think he was wearing a strawhat."

Zoro's eyes widened in horror.

"You let _strawhat_ in? Shit!" Bolting down the hallway, he spotted a familiar face in the room filled with delicate and near priceless objects; his arm reaching to touch one of the most valuable possessions in the dojo, ignoring the _Do Not Touch_ sign in the process. Zoro reached out in a desperate attempt to stop the teen from destroying everything in the room. "Luffy! Don't touch a thing!" The teen looked up in surprise.

"Oh, Zoro! There you are! I was just–" Luffy tripped over his sandal and fell forward, his hands out to break his fall.

Unfortunately, it was the glass case holding their most precious artifact that broke his fall.

The shattered item seemed to cry as its life was suddenly ended after 4000 years of life. Luffy quickly got up and bowed. "I'm sorry! Let me clean this up! I'll fix it, I prom–" He took a step forward– again– to fix the broken item and stepped on a piece of glass, causing him to yelp and jump back into a beautiful wooden cabinet which lost its balance and fell forward. The crying of more broken priceless artifacts rang through the room, followed by more and more and more shattering, breaking, denting, and even disintegration. As the smoke settled, Mihawk stood in the doorway with a stunned expression. Drawers were hanging off hinges, glass was shattered everywhere, wooden containers were reduced to nothing but splinters, and even bodies of armor were dented and crushed in the rubble.

And in the middle of it all was Zoro with his hands around Luffy's neck as he silently cried. All those priceless artifacts, all those years of history, gone. Reduced to nothing.

Mihawk could only stare at his student and the remorseful teen he was strangling. Zoro looked back at his master with an unreadable expression. It was something along the lines of pure sadness, anger, regret, pity, and annoyance.

"You let the _strawhat _in." And it suddenly dawned on Mihawk that the one friend Zoro always talked about, the one that caused to much trouble and went by the name of Luffy, always wore a strawhat. Zoro gave a shaky breath as he burred his face in his hand, Luffy's neck still in his other.

"You let the _strawhat_ in…"

Amazingly enough, though, Luffy _did_ fix everything– well _almost_ everything- he broke! It only took him two years, more than three thousand dollars, and heaps and heaps of glue, nails, and hammers.

It was safe to say Luffy was _never_ allowed anywhere near the dojo again.

**XxXxX  
****Because Luffy is the ultimate master of destruction. With one finger, he could probably bring down the empire state building, the leaning tower of pisa, or even the eiffel tower.**

**So… was it okay? I hope so… Anyway, drop off your Do Not… suggestions! Thank you all for the reviews! Have a great day**


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